Le sigh…

So here I am, looking pretty pathetic right now. I’m sorry, yet again, to rant on tumblr. I don’t care if anyone on here who follows me really cares about this, but I can’t rant about this stuff on facebook since I’m friends with my boyfriend’s mom. And i REALLY need to vent.

It feels like the world is suddenly crumbling to pieces. I just suddenly came to the realization that my best friend in the entirety of existence is leaving to go preach the gospel half way across the world in just a week. I know he’ll be in the MTC in Provo for at least a month, but it still sucks majorly. I’m super excited that he’s going to be serving a mission in Benin, Africa… but I hate it as well. I think the reason why I hate it is because he’s leaving without me. I wish I could pack up and go on his mission with him right now.

I think what’s really scaring me is that tomorrow is the last day I’ll see him for 2 years. I’m terrified. We had agreed that it would be easier on us if we said our goodbyes outside of the airport before he’s set apart as a missionary, so that we can at least hug each other when we part instead of just shaking hands. We’re meeting tomorrow at the biggest park where I live. I wonder how long we’re going to hang out together. I’m already dreading having to part with him. I’ve known him for so long, and it’s only been recently that he and I had romantic feelings for each other, which makes him leaving suck even more.

Ah man. I’ve been crying on and off all day today about this. I’m hoping I can run my tears dry so that when he and I finally say goodbye, I won’t suddenly break down in front of him. I want him to leave knowing that I’ll be alright and know that I really want him to go. Even if I know he’s the only guy for me. He doesn’t want me to wait for him, and only because he says he would feel better since he feels that he’s too inferior for me, which he definitely is not… so I’m not sure what I’ll do.

Thank you, tumblr world, for allowing me to rant without my boyfriend’s mother reading everything I write. I really needed to vent to the world, and not just to my mom.